12 Dec Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

I read a book and I want to share this one for those who would like some more information and understanding about what people use to emotional abuse another without us even knowing.

 I was recommended a book from a survivor and after reading it, I would like to share this with you as it made a positive impact at sharing clearly scenarios of narcissistic verbal and emotional abuse.

If left to continue this can have a really negative impact on your mental health, self esteem and overall sense of well-being, if this only helps you identify a person or people that make you feel that way. You can now identify that this is not okay to say or treat people this way then reading this will have been worth it for those around you.

Who to recommend this to?

Why recommend to those in or have been in controlling relationships?

So they get a chance to own their own power again and feel more in control of their life choices and future

To remind survivors what abuse they survived from or if still in the relationships with those with narcissists (or those with more narcissistic tendencies ) and have validated that their behaviours and language towards them was not okay.

So they no longer have to find themselves seeking out dominants n friendships or relationships to feel secure (as they can be left feeling they need someone to tell them what to do, allowed to say or even how to live daily).

So they can begin to know and understand that what they have had done to them is NOT and NEVER was their fault that person treated them that way (they can leave you feeling and sometimes may have told you it was- this is their projections of the negatives they cannot hold onto themselves- that way they never have to take responsibility for their actions).

For them to use as a guide to revisit if they think they may be getting into a relationship with another abuser.

If you notice someone around you or that you yourself are starting to isolate yourself then with this knowledge you can know and recognise when this behaviour is beginning to change again, this gives you a chance to stop and not follow that same pattern again.

They or you can take permission or seek validation from others to know their worth or feel secure in who they are and that they are a good person without having to do things for others anymore to get that feeling or feel their worth.

Surviving narcissistic verbal/ emotional/ mental abuse

Recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship

Accountability

They project all their insecurities onto the other person so they do not to have to do anything about changing their actions or behaviours.

They cannot take responsibility for their own actions which have consequences, they are adamant it’s the other person and usually convinces them that they need to go to therapy instead!

Trust

They cannot trust and accuses everyone else of lying to them, making you doubt yourself whether you are telling the truth even when you know you are.

Honesty

They will often lie to you all the time in a very convincing way, leaving you feeling guilty if you question them about it.

Lack of co-operation

Expects the other person to do as their told no questions asked rather than ask their permission or include them in any decisions.

Wants to have it their own way all the time, down to the smallest things and will become abusive or difficult until you find yourself giving in to their original demands.

Will tell you what they have decided for you, whether that be the clothes that you will now be wearing, the job you no longer are allowed to work even if you loved it or who you can or cannot talk to or go out with etc.

Are not willing to ever compromise, it’s their way or not at all.

There is a lack of resolutions to conflict with them as they will always put all the blame into you.

Lack of support

Will never offer encouragement as they do not want you to succeed, unless it’s making them look good.

Expect you to support them when they need you instantly but lack the want to and the ability to do it for you in return.

Give you their judgements of you continuously which can lead you to having a low or lower self esteem.

Will tell you that you are wrong all the time, pointing out all your flaws in their opinion.

Argumentative of others opinions that are different to their own, especially if it makes them look anything other than good.

Leaves you feeling unsafe

Manipulate others for their own personal gain, making everyone else around them think OMG they are amazing and often leads others to tell you how lucky you are to have them which is completely not the experience your receive unless they want something.

Violates your personal boundaries whether that’s physical, mental, emotional and pushes the other person completely out of their comfort zone whether that’s making you do more than you have to give or pushing you into debt so need to rely on them more or even goes through you’re stuff moving them so you begin to think you’re slowly losing your mind.

Can be aggressive instantaneously when expressing themselves making you feel unsure of what they might do next and where this behaviour may end, leaving an overwhelming feeling of not feeling safe.

There are always degrees of narcissism and some people will only display these behaviours rarely, it may be that they are only behaving how they have seen a family member or have been treated themselves.

As a survivor there can be times when we internalise the abuser and could then display some of these behaviours when you feel insecure with a new partner but owning these behaviours and seeking support from a therapist to identify the triggers and what you’d like to change can help you become more in control and not needing to use these types of responses.

I hope this is useful to someone out there whether it be for yourself, a loved one, friend or family member.